Why the Republicans are Better Criminals Than the Democrats

I hate politics. I hate politicians. And I don't intend to write about politics very often because anyone who calls himself a "pundit" should, in my opinion, be forced into a mandatory political party de-programming process similar to what would be used by parents who kidnap their teenagers back from, say, a Moonie Kool-Aid cult. In fact, I'm old enough to remember when people didn't need their news candy-flavored with big fat dollops of 'spin.'

Back when I was a kid, news media did not assume people needed their information pre-digested and spoon-fed back to them. Back in the Olden Days before cable news networks of every stripe, TV political news actually used to strive for neutrality. Because there was this idiotic assumption that, given the facts, Americans would be smart enough to draw their own conclusions (this is the basis of free speech in this country after all).

Nowadays that's just too complicated for most morons. It's easier to watch political pundits and 'news' that's just thinly-veiled promotion of a pre-digested political point of view that reinforces our own predefined notions. Because we've gotten too damned stupid to care about who's leading this country, and just root for our 'team' -- right, wrong or indifferent. So we got the government we deserve. Crooks in every sense of the word, from the outright horrific (Chappaquiddick) to the mortifying (financing the Contras, anyone?)to the just plain offensive (how many millions of our tax dollars were spent invesitgating Zippergate?).

Yeah. They're all crooks. The Democrats. The Republicans. And their little dogs, too.

However, the Republicans are apparently better crooks. They are like the Mafia, in that they are highly secretive, highly organized, profoundly cynical and doggedly loyal to their own. And they thrive on fear and misinformation (see: Sarah Palin). But they go to Church, so that makes it all okay.

The Democrats, on the other hand, are the Crips and Bloods of the political process. They operate on a very smalltime level overall but make a lot of noise, make a lot of messes and when they fight, they don't care how many bystanders get killed in the crossfire.

Now that we're clear on that, let me congratulate the good people of Massachusetts for giving the entire political process the giant and collective middle finger it deserves.

I have no solution. Why should I bother to think of one? I'm a fat, lazy American.

Now get the hell off my lawn. And take your stupid political campaign posters with you.